Sometimes its raw
And I’m not talking about the veggies
It's been just over two weeks since my daughter Katherine and I stood outside of the airport terminal to get some air as we waited for my husband to check in with the car rental. The three of us had spent a long weekend in the Azores and next up, back to the beautiful capital city where she lives. While we had time to kill, I took the opportunity to relay my “observations” of an Instagram post I had seen. To set the stage, I was looking for new accounts to follow. I searched for delicious and whole food sites for inspiration.
The actual reel is not important. The creator was enthusiastically and with conviction giving incorrect information and I was sharing this with my daughter. After I had finished, Kat paused and said, “Mom, you are saying things you don’t normally say. Who cares.” I thought I was posing the question of online integrity. She continued, “Who cares, it has nothing to do with you.” And I was still holding on, thinking that my daughter is one of the only people I would talk to about this because we both enjoy and create in similar spaces. She told me she does not normally hear this from me and it had been the third time I said something since I had been in her company. And she was right. With my work with beans I am on Instagram more often and I find myself policing what others are doing. I can only say that now because I reflected upon it.
When we were in our conversation I was overexplaining “why” I was saying what I was saying. I was observing, and she inquired, “Is that what it is?” I continued to explain, I know I come from a long line of women who can and have judged. I stopped in my tracks. I thought I was avoiding that moniker but I had fallen squarely into it.
Before I arrived at the above realization, I questioned her that maybe she had set me up on too high a pedestal. I am human. She stopped and presented it another way and I am paraphrasing, We could be talking about many other topics, instead we are giving this insignificant storyline more airtime. Let's leave it so we can get back to us. I told her, when you say it like that I understand exactly from where you are coming. Point hit.
As we made our way to the rental car, I had a few moments to mull it over and what an eye opener. I felt such gratitude that we have a relationship where she can be real. I went over to her and hugged her and said, “You are brave to say what is on your mind and keep the conversation honest.” She let me know she has a hard time doing that with me because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.
I have always advocated for kindness first. To say something that is not helpful could be one’s ego talking. So I can understand her hesitancy. This was not that. It was productive because I was able to see myself through her lens and she provided clarity through her words. There are many things you can view or read on the Internet that are incorrect. I know this, I used to teach my students on this very topic. This is why it is so important to always do your own research. The Internet is also a great equalizer. It allows artists and musicians to be discovered without having some hierarchy determine if their art is worthy. It allows people in far away places to do business with one another, communicate with one another. Its also a great tool to allow people to be themselves. Its what allows me to write here.
More importantly, I realized that with time and distance between us it is going to take a few days to get into the rhythm of being together. Normally we FaceTime every few days for 30 minutes to an hour. Perhaps my equilibrium was off and with that a judgmental side of me emerged. Or as she, her dad and I discussed later in the week, when a family member lives abroad, there is no dropping over for dinner on a Tuesday. You put all of your eggs in one basket, even though you have been told for years not to go with this plan. We have ten days to cram half a year of catching up. No relationship can withstand such pressure. Then, on our last night together, it's time to get real, again, and acknowledge that it is an insurmountable hill to climb and we will never get to the summit. We have to be ok with the visit that was created. It is enough. If you are constantly comparing this trip to others, you may fall short of your guideposts. No good will ever come from that.
Why would I take your time, my time to tell you about my cringy lower energy? Because I would like to normalize things that we do not talk about. The raw moment is uncomfortable of course. But the joy one feels upon realizing the connection and trust you have with another human with whom you love is worth it. What the heck, we are already discussing beans and regular bowel movements, lets toss in a side of delicate parent-adult child conversation. If we want to grow with diverse opinions we have to be willing and open to hear those right in front of us.
Lets keep the messiness of life front and center.
We may enjoy the perfect photo on Instagram and also very much appreciate the time and effort it took to create. However, it's hard to keep that level of output on repeat without some burnout.
More likely we can relate to the disagreement you’ve had with your partner as the doorbell is ringing and the guests are walking into your dinner party. How exhausting keeping the smile on your face until somewhere in the middle of the party you realize you’ve let your guard down and you are enjoying yourself. You look across the room, lock eyes with your partner at some point after that realization and smile.
I like that space - we grow when we recognize and then let go.
Lets give ourselves a break, let our guard down and thank the people in our lives who mirror to us what we may not think we are ready to see or hear.
We are.
Take care of yourself and start with beans!
Recommended recipe
Black beans, rice and sweet potatoes with cilantro, garlic, lime sauce
This one is all about the sweet potatoes with the sauce. It takes beans and rice to the the next level. Easy enough for a weeknight and bold enough to serve to guests on a weekend. Inspired by Rancho Gordo’s cookbook, Vegetarian Kitchen. If you are dairy free, using ripe avocados in place of the yogurt will give you a similar profile in creaminess.
Ingredients
2 cups cooked beans from scratch or 15oz can
1 tsp cumin seeds
1-2 cups cooked white or brown rice
3 medium sweet potatoes
1 cup greek yogurt (I used 2% Fage)
1-2 limes—squeezed for their juice
2 garlic cloves, minced and kept separate
bunch of cilantro, stems removed
2-3 green onions
hot Chile sauce (optional for heat)
salad greens-I used arugula and spinach
apple cider vinegar
salt and pepper to taste
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit. Place your washed sweet potatoes on a cooking sheet or pie plate lined with parchment or foil and bake until just done, approximately 35-40 minutes. The potatoes will give a little when you squeeze them gently. Allow them time to cool off a bit. Once you are able to handle them using a sharp paring knife, cut the outside skin off and slice the potatoes into ~1/4 inch rounds. Set the oven to broil and place the rounds back on the cookie sheet, sprinkle with olive oil, salt and pepper. Broil for 5 minutes or until the potato discs are cooked through and have a little browning along the edges. Set aside.
For the sauce, add the yogurt, cilantro, green onion and one of the minced garlic cloves to the blender. Once blended add the lime, salt and pepper and chili sauce (optional) to taste. Pour in a bowl for serving.
Take a frying pan and add a tablespoon of olive oil over medium heat for 1 minute. Add the cumin seeds, let them bloom for 30 seconds, add the remaining minced garlic clove to the pan and stir it around for another 30 seconds. Add your beans from the can or from your prepared beans and stir. I use the liquid in the can from the beans so I allowed it to simmer for about 5 minutes to evaporate some of the liquid and thicken up the beans. Next, add your rice and incorporate the beans and rice. Add salt and pepper to taste.
To assemble, take a shallow bowl, add a half cup of greens, sprinkle a little apple cider vinegar over the top for zing. Scoop 1-2 serving spoons of the rice and beans onto the greens. Add sweet potato medallions over the rice and add teaspoons of the cilantro, garlic, lime sauce on top of the bowl. Dot all around like a dressing. Allow each person to add as much extra sauce as they would like. Makes 4 perfect portions or 2 big bowls with leftovers. Enjoy.
Contact
If you have any additional questions on reflecting, saying or hearing uncomfortable things to grow and/or incorporating beans into your diet, please email me at Denisemancieri1@gmail.com. Feel free to comment below if there are topics you would like to see.
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Note: I am not a doctor. I am a teacher and an educator with an earned doctorate in educational leadership. I enjoy research and I can take large amounts of information and parse it out into easily understood and digestible steps so people understand what is happening to their body and possible steps to reverse it with food as medicine. I have healed my own GI issues through choices with food. I followed Karen Hurd’s bean protocol diet, I meditated and still do and I healed. I feel compelled to be in service and educate others as the more people eating beans, alongside a healthy diet and sharing their stories the more people will live a healthier existence. Joy, peace and freedom abound. Please see your doctor and discuss nutritional options before you change any course of action with your health.